Bears Running

bears running 2


Bimmer and Tracker stop running from the mobile oil-drilling rigs to catch their breath. They are barely surviving on a light sushi breakfast and two boxes of Cracker Jacks.

Tracker: “What kind of name is Bimmer?”

Bimmer: “I’m named after the Annette Bening character’s SUV in American Beauty,” he replies.

Tracker:“I’m confused. You were named after a celebrity?”

Bimmer:“Her SUV wasn’t a celebrity, it was a product placement, you silly cub.”

Tracker: “But… why would a rich Hollywood writer make a product so important? Doesn’t this take away from the characters and the story? Aren’t the people and the morality of their actions in the movie supposed to drive the plot?”

Just then, the Coca Cola delivery van drives by and Ronald McDonald – the new driver – waves at the running bears. He is driving a brand new, high-end Mercedes T680-X truck.

Bimmer: “I guess he hasn’t seen the oil mercenaries yet.”

They both snicker.

snickers 2

A few minutes later, Bimmer notices Tracker is running a lot more slowly.

Bimmer:“Hey, you wanna take a break and go get some snacks from that Shell station, Track?”

Tracker nods silently – he can’t even find the calories to make complete words.

The Shell station has a food store called a “Snack Shack” attached to the cash where you pay for your gasoline.

Bimmer heads right for the food aisles.

Bimmer:“Hey, where’s your bread and milk, Shell guy?”

Shell guy: “Sorry guys, we’re completely out of food.”

Tracker: “Um… Milk isn’t technically food. Where’s the dairy section? I’d even settle for chocolate milk about now, Shell guy.”

The Shell guy looks all around the store as if he is trying to find bread and milk in the air molecules between the shelves.

Shell guy:“Sorry guys,” he weakly sighs. “I don’t have any more bread or milk or anything edible. Just gasoline and oil and scratch lottery tickets. Oh, and my name is Randy, and not Shell Guy.”

So the bears starved to death, and died even sooner from drinking a bit of gasoline when they got really dehydrated. The end.


Ranger: “What a miserable story, Old Bear Roger!”

He finishes his bedtime Evian water.

OBR: “Well at least you won’t be having nightmares about giant hands tonight,” he reminds everyone as he turns off the light.

In one more week, Old Man Roger will be back at the Senior’s Residence and the bears will be able to return to their virtual lives.

hungry bears 2


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