Bestmount Bears

bestmount 2


Orc: “I am totally walking in there right now with this beer!”

Orc is losing her cool in the icy lineup of cologne-drenched punk posers in front of Club Glace on Stanley Street. Having to wait on the sidewalk before she can get into the club to dance and drink gin always pushes her into existential crisis mode.

Rusty interrupts her call to arms.

Rusty: “Hey, you were the one who couldn’t leave residence until your curls were firm enough. I told you we’d have to wait in line if we got here after eleven.”

Orc’s curls are important. Many hours of her life have been spent pursuing full, rich white curls like Annie Bearito has on television. That the curls on television are the product of lighting effects and special hair treatments that only last the time to shoot a scene … this is not important to Orca. What matters is getting the exact same results in real life as she has witnessed on TV.

Orc: “Oh Rusty, I totally don’t give a shit about anything anymore. Let’s smoke another pinner. I hate fucking waiting outside like this. I totally feel like cattle waiting to be culled.”

Rusty: “What’s the point of smoking pinners if you are going to smoke a dozen of them, Orc, sweetie. Let’s just get out a blowtorch and do some knives, why don’t we.” Michel Foucault eye-roll as he whips out a pre-rolled pinner.

A shortish female bear with green fur overhears the conversation and cuts in.

Nathalie: “Hey, are you two from Bestmount?”

Bestmount is an elite, inner-city suburb of Yukon Bay. It’s built on the side of the mountain on top of some of the last remaining blue space in the city. It’s high end in just about every way.

But instead of feeling like he’s been complimented, Rusty takes this as an insult, and goes straight home on the monorail without saying another word, leaving Orca and her friend Flora to share the just-lit pinner. There is just something about being mistaken for the upper classes that makes Rusty worry about melting ice and who is eventually going to take responsibility for it.

It sure isn’t going to be him. He’s just a furry white trash polar with nice proportions – not some hubristic rich bear with visions of world domination.


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