The Greatest Love of All

i heart my corp

soundtrack

It’s the hot spring of A.D. 16. Free Market Jesus – a sophomore at the pricey Sons of Gods Boarding School – reads his award-winning essay to the junior class.

FMJ: I’m a type-A, Alpha male overachiever. My virgin mother always told me I was meant to do better than anyone else. And as I slowly mature like fine wine, I’ve grown to prefer the dynamic and risk-filled adventurism of my corporation to the dull monotony of my surroundings. I love my corporation. Let me tell you why.

My corporation gives me the power and independence I need to really excel. And when I love my corporation so much that it makes others squirm, I get even more esteem and glamor. By submitting to the collective self-interest of a small group of people, I become the embodiment of my dreams and live out the novel that my subconscious mind has written for me to activate.

Currently the corporation I love is on trial for contaminating drinking water in sub-Saharan Africa. But we here in the corporation know we’re not guilty.

How is it even possible – let alone probable within the shadow of a doubt – that such a benevolent job-creating corporation as us could do nasty things to potential human resources? Maybe these Sub-Saharan complainers – who I never seem to run into at the mall, the club, or anywhere else – maybe these Sub-Saharans who don’t have well-paid jobs with the corporation are just jealous that we do. And I don’t blame them for being jealous; I’d be jealous in their place too. But jealousy can’t pay for clean drinking water now, can it?

The world’s losers mustn’t forget that the corporation tells us all that we need to know to do the things that are most beneficial to all the corporations we cherish. Without these large and successful corporations, who would we orient our earthly routines around? Our surroundings?

**crowd boos**

Our instincts?

**As crowd begins to boo again, teenage FMJ lifts a diamond-studded hand up to hush their paid-for participation. Then the applause sign comes on, and everyone claps as he disappears into a puff of periwinkle smoke with a strobe light accentuating an I heart my corp logo**

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One Response to “The Greatest Love of All”

  1. Franteknika (@Maestra_Dev) Says:

    As always – it was an interesting post, qatzelok. 🙂

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