Posts Tagged ‘collapse’

Domestication and Survival

October 17, 2013

“Humans and wolves are too multidimensional to tolerate
a life of environment-impacting specialization.
Ants thrive like this, yes. But not complex mammals.”

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“Enslave another and you have enslaved yourself and destroyed the world.” – Michel Foucat

Many young kittens have already forgotten why domestication of other species and/or other cats is strictly forbidden. Feline Archeologists are still required to explain how dogs and humans were domesticated on a huge scale, and how this lead to their extinction.

There are just too many problems with enslaving and breeding other mammals to mention all of them in one tiny article. So here, I will name and explore only the two most important ones.

Unbalance and Environmental Damage

First of all, there is the reality of the fragile balance of life. When the most predacious members of one complex mammal decide to enslave the  less-predacious members of their own species and/or another, they start impacting the environment in a massive way. By enforcing an ant-like collectivist system on others, they force the entire species to assume the environment-leeching role of a much smaller species. And this causes survival-threatening harm to the environment at the same gigantic scale it’s being impacted.

Ants are a poor role model for humans and canines because complex mammals are extremely different from insects. Ants have a strict hierarchy of roles but unlike humans, they are suited for different roles because they are physically different from one another. The queen is physically different from the soldiers, for example. She is unable to do soldier activities, and the soldiers are unable to assume the work of the queen. The specialization is natural and individual ants – as well as colonies – perform well this way. Ant colonies (societies) impact their environment quickly and massively, but the environment impacted is very, very small in area, and the changes to this small piece of earth are quickly reversed by natural processes.

Humans and wolves, on the other hand, are much too complex for this kind of environment-impacting (and monotonous) specialization. People (domesticated humans) and dogs (GMO wolves) are much too intelligent to assume the singular role of a soldier or queen ant. Trying to live out these roles renders their existence uncomfortable and understimulating, and leaves them in a permanent state of distress which results in highly-damaging neuroses. Damage begets damage in a vicious circle of cancerous artifice, and because these neurotic domesticated mammals are so neurotic and mentally distressed, they frequently turn to the natural environment as a scapegoat for their self-inflicted problems, quickly destroying their own sources of sustenance (see Interspecies Relations below).

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anthro-canine organigram

(A New Origin Story for Dogs)

We’ve all heard the fable about the leash-wearing domesticated dog who – when his master goes crazy and burns down the house with both of them locked inside – continues to chase imaginary sticks and cuddle his environmentally-friendly fluffy toys. As the fire spreads, the master slouches over dead from smoke inhalation. At this point, rather than jumping through a burned out window or newly-opened hole in the wall, the dog continues to lick his master’s lifeless hand until the flames burn the tongue out of his mouth.

Likewise, domesticated humans kept themselves busy and distracted by wearing colorful bracelets and ribbons, recycling some of their mountains of plastic, obsessively texting unimportant information, and watching fictional role-playing on electric screens right up until they went extinct, seemingly oblivious to the deceit, incompetence, or mean-spiritedness of their vain and whacked out masters.

Interspecies Relations

Secondly, there’s the problem of balance between the various species. The predacious human elite’s enslavement of most of their own kind lead to an avalanche of abusive relationships between these damaged pawns  and every other life-form and physical feature of the planet. Lions and Tigers were imprisoned and gawked at, whale and dolphin habitats were poisoned with petrochemicals, the pH of the oceans changed , the ozone thinned, the ice caps melted. No earth feature or species was safe once humanity started acting like a colossal ant colony. The balance between living things and their natural hardware was thrown off kilter, and this human folly decimated the feline populations of every continent.

In Paradise, a Miniature Poodle snuggles in your lap, a Golden Retriever licks your hand,  a Springer Spaniel guards outside your house, a German Shepherd stands watch inside, and the Chihuahuas take care of puppies in a hall closet. In Hell, a German Shepherd snuggles in your lap…”  – Traditional canine parable

It has taken us 30 generations to recover a tenth of what we once had. Which is why we so often shout: Never again!

If another cat ever invites you to be a low-ranking soldier in some massive enterprise, do what cats have been doing for millions of years: hiss, lift your tail, and saunter away.

>”<

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The Happy Earth

March 21, 2013

The Happy Earth

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(From the Cub Club Bedtime Stories collection)

Deep in the Milky Way stood the Happy Earth. This planet had been blessed with water, oxygen, and carbon-based food sources. These wonderful features bestowed upon the planet life-forms like us polar bears, which is why it was labeled “The Happy Earth” by its glad-to-be-alive human inhabitants.

One day a few thousand years ago, a human entrepreneur noticed that the Happy Earth had grown colder, and it was difficult for many entrepreneurs to find food to sell. He placed a small carpet on the ground and knelt down to speak directly to the planet.

“Happy Earth, why do you let us starve in the cold? This is unpleasant and unfair.”

The Earth pondered for a while, almost falling asleep in the process. Then he spoke: “Gentle Entrepreneur, take the water from my rivers and flood the great plains to grow more food than you need. You can then sell the surplus and buy status symbols and thrill rides.”

The entrepreneur looked confused: “But Happy Earth, I can’t change the flow of your waters. This would destroy the fish and animals who depend on their fragile complexity.”

The Happy Earth replied: “Do as I say. Redirect the flow of my great rivers.”

And the entrepreneur did so, and there was much food for all. Of course, this new food was mainly starch-based and the people who grew it had to remain sedentary, but the entrepreneur and his associates got to buy a lot of status symbols with the surplus.

Happy Earth MicrophoneA few decades later, the entrepreneur panicked when the Happy Earth flooded a large agricultural zone, endangering the lives of an entire civilization and its consumers. He placed his new designer carpet on the ground and knelt down to speak directly to the planet once again.

“Earth, why do you damage the very agricultural zones that you have counseled us to create? Now, many thousands of people have no food, and these agricultural workers have long lost the ability to hunt and forage.”

The Happy Earth spoke with much sadness: “Gentle Entrepreneur, take the sand from my mountains and use this sand to block the waters whence they flood.”

Once again, the entrepreneur hesitated: “But if I remove so much soil, this will create great scars on your beautiful complexion, disturbing the spectrum of land animals and destroying life-rich wetlands.”

But as with the previous suggestion, the Happy Earth insisted that the entrepreneur do as he said, and all of his mountains were subsequently flattened in order to block all the rivers at strategic points. The civilization was saved and its population doubled every few years, which lead to many new status symbols for the entrepreneur.

This process of technology-failure leading to more and more invasive technology continued until the Happy Earth was a giant, lifeless, grey rock with few species left on it. Among complex mammals, only us polar bears and a few aggressive human entrepreneurs remained. And a lot of lesion-pocked reptiles.

The entrepreneur, on his deathbed, knelt one last time to ask the Happy Earth for another bit of advice on how to progress. By now, the carpets under his feet were laden with gold and platinum strands. “Happy Earth, what will we do now that you have no more rivers, mountains, air, or food?”

The expensive rug beneath him then trembled as another human dug his way out of the underground bunker he had been living in for many years.

“Gentle Entrepreneur, I’m not really the Earth. I’m another human entrepreneur like yourself. I was just trying to motivate you to do exciting things because I was so bored in my cave.”

And then they both died of heat exhaustion.

Amen.

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School Shrink

December 28, 2011

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Penelope Bailout, the school psychiatrist, isn’t really a trained doctor. She just got tired of teaching logic and math to bears who really needed health and guidance.

“Cindy, I want to talk about you trying to hurt yourself this morning. Other than to look gangster, why did you jump an oil truck?”

“Well, last week, we learned in Modern World Problems about how humans destroyed the world and got attacked by all the other animals as they were all going extinct. So that got me thinking: what if we polar bears do the same thing? What if we get so enslaved by our own daily routines that we forget about the really important but banal facts of life? What if we get so scared of nature and of dying that we end up destroying the earth with our technology and consumption?”

Miss Bailout scrunches up her eyebrows and pulls on one of her long whiskers. “Well, I guess that could happen, Cind. But even if this does happen – and I hope it doesn’t – how could jumping onto an oil truck and laying across the windshield help prevent it?”

Cindy speaks quickly, as if she has been writing a manifesto. “If I can show everyone that I’m not afraid of dying, then maybe everyone can see that it’s alright to die, and so they’ll let everyone and everything else… live.”

The school shrink scribbles something into her black velvet binder.

After a long pause, Cindy hands back her youth distress questionnaire: “Listen, Miss Bailout, I just want people to know that fear is worse than anything you can be afraid of. Humans, with all their fears and defenses, were just dinosaurs part two.”

Miss Bailout rises from her seat and walks towards the door to let Cindy out. “It’s true that humans and dinosaurs were similar. But not us, Cindy. Dinosaurs and humans didn’t live in igloos or live simply by consuming just the yearly surplus of nature like we do.

We P-Bears are going to make it after all.”

**Miss Bailout makes the volleyball team’s P-Bear sign with three fingers**


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