Defending the Gay Homeland

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The Gay Homeland is fighting for its survival and perhaps for the existence of homosexuality itself!

The super-precise Dildo rockets that landed in Seattle, Cairo and London last weekend were not an unprovoked attack, as many homophobic media sources have claimed. The flattening of hetero-terror centers in these cities was a measured Gay Homeland response to the bitchiness emanating from these three capitals.

Since the day of its creation, the world’s only Gay Nation has been under attack by the forces of homophobia and hate. Following the signing of the Paul Lynde Act at the UN building  – straight terrorists began plotting as they sipped stale drip coffee.

Within months, heterosexists from Arabia and Europe began to claim “sovereignty” over the few square km of the earth’s surface reserved for Gays to live peacefully among their own kind.

Meanwhile, European straights have thriving cultures in Germany, Poland, Russia, North America and Australia, while the Arab straights belong in Jordan, Egypt or Syria. Agreements have been reached to help transport heterosexist tribesmen who find themselves at odds with the wonderful Gay State they find themselves trapped in. The Gay Homeland is a world leader in both human rights and refugee relocation.

Cleansing the Gay Homeland of straight assholes is not discrimination. Over 12% of the Gay Homeland’s population is non-gay, and while this number includes many babies, it also includes many refugees from the straight world who have come to bask in all the fabulousness.

The desert campground-style cities that have been provided to the 2.5 million straights awaiting relocation to somewhere more suitable have been referred to as “concentration camps” by straight media outlets with an agenda of hate. The straights in these camps live better and look better in video than most straights do in Our neighboring countries.

So when voting on proposition 78 – cutting military aid to the Gay Homeland down to a dangerously low US$89 billion per year – think back – to the first time someone threw a rock at you for kissing your new girl. Or the time you crawled out of the bushes to find that someone had slashed the tires on your small convertible.

And hey, wouldn’t you want your best friends standing beside you if you were the free world’s first defense against beach blanket bingo?

On March 12^th, vote “I don’t think so” to Proposition 78 !

A guest column by Gay Homeland Coolness Minister Rock Abercrombie and the NO committee for Proposition 78

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Make Male Homosexuality Mandatory

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Human history and the instrumentalist social evolution of human societies  has reached a critical juncture; a fork in the road. It can easily be said that we live in interesting times; times of change, of panic, and of opportunity.

Times like ours are the perfect eras to introduce radical ways of reorganizing society to make it work better. In our times, this may mean making it work better with its natural surroundings.

As we are currently so close to collapse, it’s important that all novel ideas (heresies) be carefully considered and some of them immediately implemented by a few wise governments and other institutions in order to test their effectiveness in helping the human species survive within the confines of nature.

For my part, I propose that males be obliged – by law – to become homosexual. There are four main reasons why I believe this would improve human societies and make them more compatible with nature:

1. Heterosexual mating rituals have evolved into wars that kill millions, and no longer ensure a “stronger” genetic pool.

In the past, there have been gay armies and mandatory homosexuality laws. But in our current world order, male homosexuality is associated with pacifism and non-violence. Bitchiness prevails, but the use of DU and cluster bombs is a distinctly heterosexual male ritual.

2. Homosexual men do not contribute to overpopulation, or the repression of women.

Not all heterosexual men procreate or repress women, but a critical mass of them do, and this negatively affects the social norms and living conditions of everyone else. It has to be stopped.

3. Heterosexual men do not mix well in coed situations. They make mixed gender activities problematic, thus contributing to a division among humans by gender.

They often enjoy these coed activities, but their presence ends up turning the female participants into sexualized prima donnas who are rendered unable to act in a spontaneous and relaxed way.

4. By opening men up to empathy in other men, it will foster greater friendship relations among males in general, a gender that has extremely low quality friendships because of its “natural” inclination towards violence towards other males.

Gay male sexuality is the social lubricant that helps us all fit together. By removing heterosexually-motivated social aggression, society can use its resources to improve people’s security instead of wasting resources on weapons and hyperconsumption in a straight-male-driven competitive society.

Please join me in praying for mandatory homosexuality in males.

Gay Inversion Rapture

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How do I know if I have it?

Having sex with straight  men is a type of social game of chance that many gay men find challenging and life-affirming. I’ve played this game myself, and “won” a few times. Winning usually involves manipulating men who are desperately horny into agreeing to do some kind of sexual act with you that involves orgasm completion and little more.

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The politics of GIR

Trying to sleep with hetero-men is the Bush Doctrine of globalized gay sex: it involves some pre-emptive homo attack-sex  (cock and awe), and the drama of this shock is used to mask inner feelings of insecurity. Pursuing this as a gay social persona, one’s own unfulfilled domestic needs of  love, tenderness, and belonging are forgotten in order to concentrate on forcing some semblance of these abstracted ideals onto the outside world. And so the search for a straight man to save – a constructed foil who gives the gay narrative a bad guy (or bad sexuality) with which to become a hero by saving.

The well-meaning gay imperialist often believes that perhaps the entire world is gay but just really, really repressed and in need of being saved. And this saving replaces any kind of inner change that might produce personal fulfillment of the same needs that are projected and fulfilled via domination of the other in Bush Doctrine gay sex.

Nonetheless, victory is victory, and I could see myself standing on an aircraft carrier with “Inversion Fantasy Accomplished” emblazoned on a huge banner featuring a rainbow flag. There I am, prancing in front of the cameras like a real attention whore – an international social climber. “Look at me! I am amazing! I am the new messiah!”

Meanwhile, all the smart people are staring at my accomplishment with horror. “What kind of arrogance allows someone to be so vain and stupid at the same time?” they are asking themselves between doritos and gulps of diet Pepsi.

A cautionary tale

Of course, Inversion Fantasy Syndrome isn’t supposed to provide people like me with a goal. It was never supposed to turn into The Gay Dream. It’s more accurately a social condition, a fetish, a disorder, and a cult of snobbery.

Inversion Fantasy Syndrome describes a social phenomenon that occurs when smalltown gays and their more savvy urban cousins finally come out their closets in the large cities and begin to form their own small communities and family-type units.

Many of these gay social capital noobs try to avenge their high school trauma by treating straight acquaintances and tourists with the same ridicule that they experienced as closeted adolescents. Freshly-out gays  frequently calm their existential fears with schadenfreude, finding reasons to sneer and judge straight white trash or whatever social group they had previously felt rejected by. “Take that, you straight trash breeders!” They invert the hostility and rejection they themselves felt, and they fantasize of a gay world that needs saving. Thus, it is called Inversion Fantasy Syndrome.

Post-rapture paradise absence

A major problem with attempting to bring this fantasy to life is that other lives are involved who aren’t in on the fantasy. Play-Pretend Inversion is never going to lead to a real world sexuality rapture where all the men – both gay and straight – begin to speak in gay tongues. The inversion is a personal fantasy, and not a sexual, physical way to be in this world. Even if it were possible and a true physical inversion occurred and gays were suddenly 90% of the population of every nation on earth, it would be the straights who would adopt the snobbish and cackling coping strategies that gays use today. The fantasy is supposed to remain in the metaphysical world, where it was created through masturbation memories, and if lived out in the real world, would lead to a lot of angry victims.

Gay Inversion Rapture – a dangerous ideology? Or is it the appropriate founding chauvinism of the first Gay nation-state?

Towards A Gay Homeland

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Why a homeland?

Gays have been discriminated against since the beginning of organized heterosexual religions. Forced to live scattered among the world’s violent heterosexualites, a diasporaed Gay Nation has nonetheless thrived by cultivating enriching international relationships and by setting up parallel societies within the hetero cultures in which the Gays find themselves trapped and repressed.

But if the Matthew Shepard Tragedy/Iranian Hangings have show us anything, it is that the time has finally come for a Gay Homeland – a nation-state where Gay culture and values can thrive and evolve with the needs and desires of its loyal Gay citizens.

Why this amazing piece of beachfront real estate?

The traditional Gay lands of Sodom and Gomorrah have been inhabited by members of the Gay community since before the age of religions and nation-states. Throughout the region, there are stone-age cave drawings depicting Gay acts which pre-date the Sodom/Gomorrah period by over 400,000 years. There have actually been Gays living in the area continuously for over 6 billion years, long before the Akadians, the Sumerians, the Arabs or the Zionists.

The biblical story of the tragic genocide of the Sodomites demonstrates the extent of state-sanctioned persecution the Gays have been subjected to since the beginning of heterocentric religions and nations. The events of the last few years in Wyoming and Iran point to a pressing need to provide a safe haven from homophobianism, and the Levant is the most significant region on earth for Gay History. With a thriving and successful Gay nation in the Holy Land, Gays all over the world will benefit from the presence of a pied-a-terre at the center of world politics and oil production.

Our phones are standing by

It is time for the Gays to return to their Ancestral Homeland (as has been recently promised in an email signed by Barack Obama). The current heterosexualist “states” of Lebanon and Palestine are their ancestral home. The current inhabitants are opportunistic heterosexualites who could live comfortably in any other part of the world. There are over 200 heterosexualite nation states, and NOT ONE Gay state. The absence of a Gay political entity is the reason for Gay suffering, and the Gays will only know freedom when this situation has been remedied – when the earth has at least one rock-hard Gay nation state.

Lubeland and Phallus-stein (their original names) are the natural provinces of the Gay Homeland. Together, with Sodom and Gomorrah as their undivided capitals (one for gay men, the other for lesbians), this new state will be a beacon for Gay Culture that shines out all over the world – a safe place to live out the Gay Dream. It will also provide a model of what can be accomplished when the earth’s crust is divided into various thematic tribes, when some of them just have more fashion sense and irony than the others.

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It’s time for the Gay Nation to rise to the occasion in the beauty pageant that we sometimes call civilization! It’s time for the Gays to return to their Gay Homeland!

Gay Nationalism

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The heterosexual is not really your friend.

Sure, you may have heterosexual cohorts at work, get along well with your straight family members, and even connect better (or so you think) with your hetero friends than you do with the other homos you know.

But these people would never really defend you if they were forced to choose between helping you and enjoying a comfortable life under a gay-bashing tyranny. They would throw you away like a discarded toy from their childhood.

Even though gay people appear to blend in and receive the reluctant “acceptance” or “tolerance” of the hetero majority, we must never think for a second that we are part of their culture or societies.

For reasons of instinct and adaptability, the heterosexual is our competitor, not our partner. The charade of gays integrating into straight societies will end just as soon as economic conditions worsen.

So in the meantime, we must always be ready for the worst from our heterosexual neigbors.